you would pick up someone in the library
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
