you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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