dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
