You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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