its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
