did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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