woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
