he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can you bring me the toilet please
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
