if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
