My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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