Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
