When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
