Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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