I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
