Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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