I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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