Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
