im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
