i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
