my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
