did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
