I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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