THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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