this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
