New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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