he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
