Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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