Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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