Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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