dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
