she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Come on in and take your pants off
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