Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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