genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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