I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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