youre lurking in front of me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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