The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
