I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
