he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
