So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
