You're a womanizer and a bitch.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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