I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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