I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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