dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
