He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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