The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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