my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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