my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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