oh god the rape fog is back!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
