You made me cry and you don't even care
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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