I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
