Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
