overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
